btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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