i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
