Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
