she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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