wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
