I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
