There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Rumble strips road head = magical
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize