if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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