Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
