Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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