"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize