Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You ever have a fart follow you around?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
