Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You pole danced in your parka.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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