all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
