your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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