You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
