I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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