And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize