none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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