you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
