I just pynch a tree in the face
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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