So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize