shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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