i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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