May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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