You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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