Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
