What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
