I am puke
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize