You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
