apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
