I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
