I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
