he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
NoShamevember. You game?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
