this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
