I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
