so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im holly from the hills drunk
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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