Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
