i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
