btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
