he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
