420 ftw
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
