My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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