I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
