idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
