I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
