do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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