the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
