Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
