her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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