If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
