im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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