He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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