just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
