too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
is it fun? or sober?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
