hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
