After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
