i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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