Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
