Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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