I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
