His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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