I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
