You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize