Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
