This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize