Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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