drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize