Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
