Quick, to the slutcave!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize