Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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