Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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