So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
