Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
