You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
